I was visiting the theater of the absurd called the “blogosphere” the other day when I came across a site called ProudConservative.com. One of its offerings was a YouTube presentation of Letterman-style list of the “Top Ten Reasons Liberals Are Friggin’ Idiots.”
The list began with Howard Dean being at Number 10 and descending to Number One: “Liberals believe you can actually negotiate with terrorists.” In between were silly things like “Liberals believe Al Gore invented the Internet” and liberals are against the U.S. Border Patrol. And of course, “They keep electing Ted Kennedy.” (Number 3). One with which I would have to concur is Number 5: “Liberals (most I would say) think killing babies in abortions is okay, but are against the death penalty for convicted murderers.”
So I thought I would compile a comparable Top Ten list about “conservative” Republicans. Then I added three more for a “Top Thirteen” or a baker’s dozen. But it was hard to stop, so I added a few more and found I had a “Top 20.”
The list is far from exhaustive. I invite readers to add some of their own top reasons for not believing the Grand Old Propaganda. Here, then, are my…
Top 20 Reasons "Conservative" Republicans Can't Talk (or Shoot) Straight
20. When the going gets tough, Republicans read the War Street Urinal.
19. When a war turns sour, they blame “the liberal media.”
18. Democrat wars turn out badly. Republican wars are true and righteous altogether.
17. The world is a safer place, they believe, in O'Reilly's “No-Spin Zone.”
16. Republicans will "Deliver Us From Evil." (And hawk Sean Hannity's book)
15. Democracy failed: Bring Back the Peacock Throne in Iran!
14. Michael Moore's movies are propaganda; Bush's wars reflect "core values." 13. The entire world is the property of the U.S. government. (That’s “Core Value Number One: Patriotism or supporting "Uncle Sammy."
12. War is good for the economy.
11. The next war will be quick, easy and cheap.
10. One name: George W. Bush
9. Another name: Dick Cheney
8. One wrong-way political movement: "neo-conservatism"
7. Two wars in the Middle East
6. The demand for a third war in the Middle East (with Iran)
5. The claim of unlimited power for the (Republican) chief executive
4. The claims of primogeniture (or another old guy in 2012; Palin in 2036)
3. The War of the Month Club
2. The belief that every tyrant in every country the size of a postage stamp is another Hitler.
1. "We have it in our power to begin the world again.” A Thomas Paine heresy, frequently quoted with approval by Ronald Reagan and endorsed implicitly by virtually every "neo-con."